I’m a fashion don’t

Every morning during my commute to work I listen to a radio show called Wake Up With Taylor. It’s on Cosmo radio which is a  radio station run by Cosmopolitan magazine and they talk about the same issues that the magazine covers. It’s light and humorous and it entertains me during the long drive. Two of the hosts are young women who live the NYC lifestyle and frequently discuss fashion- fashion by New York standards, which are standards most of us in the rest of the country find both ridiculous and intimidating. So most of the time when they are discussing fashion I listen in a detached sort of way.

For the past week though, they have been going to shows at fashion week and there has been lot more conversation about clothes, shoes, etc. than normal and it has me thinking about my own wardrobe. I have a closet full of clothes, most of them acquired before I got married and I was thin. While they are not Prada, neither are they Walmart and I loved to wear nice things that fit well, and shoes, I’ve got some shoes. Boxes and boxes and racks of shoes.

And then I thought about what I’m wearing right now. Pants from Target (I love Target but these pants can hardly be described as well-made and well-fitting), a shirt that is completely shapeless from some cheap store that I don’t even remember, and shoes that can only be described as comfortable. The worst part is that I don’t care. Well I do care but I’m not ashamed and I should be.

The obvious problem is that none of my old clothes fit. Though I am working on it (sorta), I am still quite a bit fatter than I was pre-marriage/baby. When I buy clothes now, the criteria is that they be cheap and that I don’t have to try them on.  I always think I’ll lose weight and I don’t want to spend any more money than necessary on clothes because I hope I won’t be in this size long enough to make it worthwhile. And dealing with a dressing room is just not something I have been able to do to this point.  My shoes don’t fit either. I had giant feet before I got pregnant, now they are giant +1, making it that much harder to find cute shoes in my size in the store. I’m stuck shopping the Sasquatch women’s line.

It is something I think about though, a lot. When I’m in the elevator with someone who is nicely dressed, I feel envy. I worry that people think that I think that I look good. I feel like wearing a sign that says, “I’m under no impression that I look at all stylish right now”. Because, don’t you wonder sometimes, when you see someone dressed horribly, if they think they look good? I don’t want anybody to wonder about me.

I want to change it. I need to wrap my mind around the idea of going shopping, for me, and taking the time and money to do it right.

Saturday night, I am going to the bachelorette party of one of my best friends. There is a dress code (don’t get me started) that I can’t meet with my current options so I will have to go shopping. I am resisting the urge to say that since I am fat I can’t look good so it doesn’t matter what I wear. I’m going to embrace it and try to look my very best. I can do this.

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